You can find fresh pain every time you discover something that you pretty much already knew,

everyone’s living in their own personal coma.

I'm not entirely sure what my problem is lately. I've been so absurdly moody I don't even recognize myself. Usually when something upsets me I'll post on here, I'll ask everyone for advice before I spazz at stupid things but my god. Last night I got mad at my boyfriend because he wanted to go get something to eat as opposed to sitting on the couch with me and watching tv, he even asked me to come for the ride..like what is wrong with me. I've been all mad at him lately because we never talk, which is bullshit. We have conversations all the time, just because it's not a "Where do you see us in 5 years" convo I like spazz. Then he asks me to explain what I mean and I can't, like I'll try to think about it and it still makes no sense to me, then I sit there in silence and 12 minutes later I'm mad again for the same reason. I think I'm losing it. On another note, food hasn't been horrible I've done pretty well, few mistakes but I'm still going to call it a victory, I need something to be proud of right now. Maybe it's all the old journals, been reading threw them to much maybe. Hope everyone is doing good.

I am sometimes startled now, when I stand up and turn to the door to catch myself in the mirror. I am often surprised that I exist, that my body is a real body, that my face is a face, and my name has a correlation to a person I can identify as myself.  

^^She is just ... stunning. I love girls with tattoos, so pretty.

Girls vomit candy and all the lies they are fed.

Yougart & tea 160 c
Grilled chicken salad 150 c
Apple 80 c
Chai Tea Latte 110 c

I had to move last night! My roomate went nutz on me. I had mentioned awhile back that I was looking for a new place because, well frankly, he's a fucking slob and he's just been so unbalanced and moody lately so I decided to look for something else. He was all fine with it til I told I found something and was going to be moving out in a week or so and like totally spazzed. He's like have your shit out of my house by tomorrow at noon, and that was it. Freaking ridiculous. But it's alright. I moved in with a good friend in a better location and everything so it's not that big of a deal. Just hate moving, never realize how much shit you have until you have to pack it all up within like 2 hours. Anyways, I hope everyone is good. Kinda fucked up a bit last night went out for dinner but I still just got a salad with a small amout of taco beef. Wasn't horrible, drank icetea though, should have had diet coke. Stupid me. Oh well. Anyways, comment time. Hope all is well. Hugzz.

Chicken nuggets 400 c (Nasty, they had no salads!! Was so pissed off)
Yougart and Fruit 140 c
Turkey/Ham sandwhich 290 c

Today was alright I suppose. Pissed off about those fucking nuggets though. Arg!!

<3 love for my girls.

Me: Do you think Fergie is hot?
BF: Uhh, I wouldn't say hot.
Me: Well then what would you say?
BF: I'm not sure, she's got an insssssane body tho.
Me:  Ugh.

Breakfast sandwich 280 c
Hard boil egg, small bowl mushroom soup (WtF!) 250 c
Chicken Salad 200 c
Diet Pepsi & Water 0 c Heavena
Chicken Salad 400 c
Popcorn 300 c

ugh day..

Figures though, Instead of getting off my fat ass and doing something about the fact that I clearly do not have an 'insane' body I'm sitting here pouting typing things on a keyboard. One word. Pathetic.

Now this is what I call motivation. Read that!! Should fuckin print that! http://www.intense-workout.com/cravings.html

I'm so dissapointed in myself. Totally binged last night. Had a piece of pizza and a small icecream cone. Nasty. Today though is going to be a strict day. And I plan to be doing alot of physical activity tonight. Dancing and what not, going to try NOT to drink to much.

"When we come to a cross road and there is a decision to make there is only one thing to keep it mind. What do you want? A life of disgust, or tolerance."

O
Tea + Sweetner/Milk 30 C
Oatmeal 130 C